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Do I Feel Better Yet?: Questionable Attempts at Self-Care and Existing in General - Paperback | Diverse Reads

Do I Feel Better Yet?: Questionable Attempts at Self-Care and Existing in General

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If you've ever dared to express dissatisfaction with the state of your life, you've inevitably received a variety of helpful suggestions: "Have you tried meditation? Exercise? A cult? An exercise cult?" In Do I Feel Better Yet?, Madeleine Trebenski explores more than 45 so-called solutions suggested to her in the name of self-care. In a playful and at times sardonic chronicle of the elusive promises of multistep skin-care routines, gratitude journaling, scented candles, and more, Trebenski perfectly captures what it's like to live in a time when homemade kombucha and weighted blankets are said to single-handedly solve all our problems. These essays will make you laugh, make you feel less alone, and maybe make you feel better—even if just for a little while.

ISBN-13: 9781797212548

Media Type: Paperback

Publisher: Chronicle Books LLC

Publication Date: 06-07-2022

Pages: 240

Product Dimensions: 5.40(w) x 8.10(h) x 0.60(d)

Madeleine Trebenski has written for McSweeney's, the New Yorker, Outside Magazine, and more. Her piece "The Girl from Avril Lavigne's 'Sk8er Boi' Responds 18 Years Later" has gone viral twice and her work has been featured on Elizabeth Banks's "My Body, My Podcast."

Table of Contents

Have You Tried Everything? 1

Have You Tried Exercise?

Have You Tried Endorphins? 6

I Got My Bangui' Beach Bod from an Evil Sea Witch and So Can You! 12

This Full-Body Barre Workout Is the Only Thing You Need to Do Today 14

A Timeline of My Average Three-Mile Run 17

Thanks to Yoga I'm Less Stressed, More Flexible, and Closer Than Ever to Being a Better Person Than You 23

Have You Tried Food?

Have You Tried a Fad Diet? 28

Are You Drinking Enough Water? 35

A Quick and Easy Recipe for Incredibly Haunted Bone Broth 39

Wellness Supplement or Parasitic Space Monster from the Alien Franchise? 44

You're Probably Tired Because You Eat Grain, Not Because Your Earthly Consciousness Resides in a Naturally Decaying Flesh Suit That Inevitably Fails as You Age 47

Are You Hungry or Are You Just Horny? 51

Have You Tried Working?

Have You Tried Your Dream Job? 56

My Life Has No Meaning, but Have You Tried the New Toaster? 63

Jobs I'm Actively Googling During Work Hours 65

The Ten Commandments of Workism 70

Anything Men Can Do I Can Do Bleeding 73

Which Hallmark Movie Job Will Get You Your Happy Ending? 75

Have You Tried Buying Things?

Have You Tried Buying Artisanal Glassware? 84

Five Extremely Expensive Rugs That Will Definitely Solve All Your Problems 92

My Targeted Instagram Ads, Translated 97

Seven Signs It's Time for Face Creams 102

What You Need Is Some Very Expensive Underwear 107

Maslow's Hierarchy of Wants 110

Have You Tried Love, Sex, or Some Combination of the Two?

Have You Tried a Duke? 114

Romance Novel Summaries for Real-Life Relationships 121

Six Upsettingly Realistic Sex Toys Nobody Asked For 126

Dear Mother and Father, My Monster Boyfriend Is Coming to Dinner 129

Have You Tried Nature?

Have You Tried Walking around Outside for Fun? 134

I'm Moving to the Woods to Live in a Nightmare Shack 141

The Mountains Are Calling and They'd Like to Discuss Some of Your Recent Behavior 144

I'm Your Outdoor Dream Girl and Not an Evil Wood Nymph Who Wants to Steal Your Soul 148

Have You Tried Religion or Something That Resembles a Religion?

Have You Tried Jesus? 152

Welcome to Our Self-Help, Multilevel Marketing Company That Definitely Isn't a Pagan Sex Cult 162

I Don't Believe in Astrology Except When It Tells Me Exactly What I Want to Hear 167

The Smart Roomba S10 Will Now Clean the World 170

Have You Tried Relaxing?

Have You Tried Hypnotizing Yourself Calm? 174

FAQ: Your Visit to WOMB Luxury Floatation Therapy Center 181

A Guide to Which Part of Your Life That Acupuncture Needle Is Fixing 184

I'm the Scented Candle You Just Bought and I Need You to Stop Putting So Much Pressure on Me 188

A Guided Meditation for Existing as a Woman 191

Lines from an Honest Gratitude Journal 197

Have You Tried Taking Care of Something Other Than Yourself?

Have You Tried Backyard Chickens? 202

The Pros and Cons of Procreation (As Understood by a Childless Person in Their Twenties) 209

Potential Rebranding Strategies for Cats as a Whole 213

Obituaries for All the Plants I've Killed 217

What to Expect When You're Expecting Kombucha 222

An Inconclusive Conclusion 227

Acknowledgments 231

About the Author 235