Table of Contents
Preface xi
Introduction: From "Present" To "Presence" 1
Part 1 Why Presence Isn't Easy
Chapter 1 Being Human Is Hard 11
The Trauma of Life 14
When Life Shocks You 17
Breaking Down While Growing Up 21
Chapter 2 The Risk of Being You 25
The Pain Box s 29
Spiritual Bypassing 32
The Myth of Catharsis 34
Safety: The Linchpin of Presence 36
Part 2 How to Build and Deepen Presence
Chapter 3 Mindfulness & Meditation 41
I Don't Care About Meditation, and Neither Should You 42
Mindfulness: Your Innate Superpower 45
Mental Fitness 48
Practice Makes Presence 50
FACE: The Pillars of Presence 57
Chapter 4 Focus-Stabilize Your Mind 59
Shifting out of Autopilot 60
Focus Is Freedom 63
Drop the Story, Drop the Stress 68
Chapter 5 Allowing-Permission to Be Human 79
The Cycle of Push-Pull 81
The Paradox of Invincibility 85
Statue Meditation 87
But I Can't Just Allow Everything…Right? 91
Chapter 6 Curiosity-The Opposite of Fear 97
Experience x Curiosity = Wisdom 98
Your Mind Wants You to Be Happy 103
How to Focus on the Journey, Not the Destination 106
Chapter 7 Embodiment-Your Gateway to the Present 111
What We Can All Learn from the Menstrual Cycle 113
My Big, Fat, Sicilian Nose 116
Body Scan Meditation-Learning to Feel 120
Part 3 Bringing Presence to Life
Chapter 8 How to Change and Grow 131
You're Walking a Cow Path 132
Why Do You Do What You Do? 135
Letting Go 139
Sometimes We're Mush 142
Chapter 9 Become Your Own Best Friend 145
Reclaiming Your Shadow 147
Good-Enough Healing 153
Nurture the Positive 154
Living in Alignment 161
Chapter 10 Commitment to Connection 165
Intimacy-Beyond Sex and Romance 167
But If You Knew the Real Me… 168
Intimacy Takes Time 171
Circling-A Relational Meditation Practice 173
The Highest Form of Connection 179
Chapter 11 Time, Technology, and Day-To-Day Presence 183
Formal Practice 184
Informal Practice 192
Getting Wise with Your Smartphone 193
Conclusion 205
Coming Home 207
Acknowledgments 211
Sources 215
Index 219
