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Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with Life

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There’s no such thing as a bad kid. That’s what a lifetime of experience has taught Dr. Stuart Shanker. No matter how difficult, out of control, distracted, or exhausted a child might seem, there’s a way forward: self-regulation. Overturning decades of conventional wisdom, this radical new technique allows children and the adults who care for them to regain their composure and peace of mind.
 
Self-Reg is a groundbreaking book that presents an entirely new understanding of your child’s emotions and behavior and a practical guide for parents to help their kids engage calmly and successfully in learning and life. Grounded in decades of research and working with children and parents by Dr. Shanker, Self-Reg realigns the power of the parent-child relationship for positive change. Self-regulation is the nervous system’s way of responding to stress. We are seeing a generation of children and teens with excessively high levels of stress, and, as a result, an explosion of emotional, social, learning, behavior, and physical health problems. But few parents recognize the “hidden stressors” that their children are struggling with: physiological as well as social and emotional. An entrenched view of child rearing sees our children as lacking self-control or willpower, but the real basis for these problems lies in excessive stress.
 
Self-regulation can dramatically improve a child’s mood, attention, and concentration. It can help children to feel empathy, and to cultivate the sorts of virtues that most parents know are vital for their child’s long-term wellbeing. Self-regulation brings about profound and lasting transformation that continues throughout life. Dr. Shanker translates decades of his findings from working with children into practical, prescriptive advice for parents, giving them concrete ways to develop their self-regulation skills and teach their children to do the same and engage successfully with life for optimal learning, social, and emotional growth.

ISBN-13: 9780143110415

Media Type: Paperback

Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group

Publication Date: 07-04-2017

Pages: 320

Product Dimensions: 5.50(w) x 8.30(h) x 0.90(d)

Dr. Stuart Shanker is a Distinguished Research Professor Emeritus of Philosophy and Psychology at York University, founder of The MEHRIT Centre, and Science Director of the Self-Regulation Institute. He is former president of the Council of Early Child Development and the Council of Human Development. Dr. Shanker attended the University of Toronto and the University of Oxford, where he obtained his B.A., B. Phil and D. Phil. with distinction. His expertise is sought internationally, and he has been an adviser on child development to government organizations across Canada and the United States.

Table of Contents

Introduction 1

Part I Self-Reg: Essential for Living and Learning

1 The Power of Self-Reg 11

2 More Than Marshmallows: Self-Regulation Versus Self-Control 31

3 No Small Matter: Arousal Regulation and the Interbrain 50

4 Under the Boab Tree: The Five-Domain Model for Self-Reg 71

Part II The Five Domains

5 Eat, Play, Sleep: The Biological Domain 89

6 Monster in the Attic: The Emotion Domain 109

7 Calm, Alert, and Learning: The Cognitive Domain 131

8 A New Lens for Looking at Social Development: The Social Domain 159

9 The Better Self: Empathy and the Prosocial Domain 186

Part III Teens, Temptations, and Parents Under Pressure

10 The Power and Perils of Adolescence 209

11 More: Desire, Dopamine, and the Surprising Biology of Boredom (the Reward System) 234

12 Parents Under Pressure: Where Do We Go from Here? 250

Acknowledgments 267

Notes 271

Bibliography 287

Index 297