Table of Contents
Introduction 11
Chapter 1 Dealing With Grief 23
Our Difference Is Our Grief 26
Moving Forward, Not On 28
Advice From the Mindful Grief Coach 28
Surrender to the Changing Tides 30
Exercises To Try 32
Expectations of Grief 34
The Ball and the Box 37
Real-Life Stories 38
The Unexpected Trauma of Baby Loss 42
Chapter 2 Marking Your Loss 47
Do What's Right for You 50
Writing About Baby Loss 58
Having a Funeral 60
Chapter 3 Misconceptions 67
Miscarriage Is Not the Same for Everyone 69
Early Loss Does Not Equal Easy Loss 73
Unplanned Pregnancy 74
The Things People Say 78
'At Least…' 82
Helpful Not Harmful 87
The Things We Say to Ourselves 88
Partners and Misconceptions: Why Baby Loss Is Devastating for Our Other Halves Too 97
Chapter 4 Isolation and Loneliness 103
Fear of Judgement 107
You Belong Here 109
Keeping the Faith 113
Finding Your Own Way 117
Chapter 5 Family Relationships 123
Relationship Reality Check 125
Relationships In Focus: Me and You - Advice From Lilliana Gibbs 127
Bereaved Dads 130
Exercises To Try 132
Facing Loss as a Couple 137
Family: Sharing Is Caring 140
Grief Across Cultures 144
Special Occasions-The Shitshow Magnified 147
Chapter 6 Ugly Feelings 155
You Are Not Your Feelings 158
Dealing With the Ugly 164
Our Feelings Are Not Mutually Exclusive 168
Chapter 7 Reconnecting With Yourself 171
Reconnecting With Yourself Mentally and Emotionally 174
Being Grateful: What Does That Really Mean? 179
Reconnecting With Yourself Physically 183
Reassessing the Blame: Termination for Medical Reasons (TFMR) 186
Chapter 8 Trying Again and Pregnancy After Loss 193
Louisa Machines' Advice for Rebuilding Sexual Intimacy 198
Exercises to Try 201
Trying Again 205
Pregnancy After Loss 209
Early Scans 213
Control the Controllables 217
Chapter 9 Educating Others 221
Five Things They Don't Teach You in Sex Education 224
Different Routes to Parenting: Surrogacy 227
Let's Talk More About Talking More 229
Different Routes to Parenting: Adoption 233
The Lost Babies… the Sisters and the Brothers 236
Partner Check-In 238
The Village Opened Its Arms 240
Chapter 10 Power in the Tribe 243
Healing Lies in Sharing and Kindness 245
Medical Glossary 253
Resources 275
Index 281
Acknowledgements 289
