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What About the Kids?: Raising Your Children Before, During, and After Divorce

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The groundbreaking handbook that helps parents guide their children through divorce and co-parenting — including the introduction of step-parents — from a New York Times bestselling author and child psychologist.

This is the definitive work from the renowned child psychologist Judith Wallerstein on a subject that concerns millions of American moms and dads: How can you protect your children during and after divorce?

Divorce is not a single event but a lifelong trajectory of changed circumstances that demand a different kind of parenting than we have ever known. In What About the Kids? Wallerstein draws on thirty years of in-depth interviews with children of divorce and their parents to show how to create a new family with compassion and wisdom. It covers issues that arise at the time of divorce as well as suggestions for talking to your children months and years after the event.

Eminent psychologist Judith S. Wallerstein shares her unique insight and advice in What About the Kids? — the first comprehensive guide to easing the impact of divorce on your children — including:

  • The best and worst ages for children to experience their parents' divorce
  • Right and wrong ways to explain divorce to your children
  • Choosing a custody arrangement that's best for your child
  • How to involve the grandparents — a major resource?
  • Getting the children on your side when you form new relationships
  • The positive effects of divorce on children (believe it or not)
  • How divorce can actually make you a better parent
  • Raising children who grow up able to form lasting relationships

ISBN-13: 9780786887514

Media Type: Paperback

Publisher: Hachette Books

Publication Date: 03-17-2004

Pages: 400

Product Dimensions: 5.35(w) x 8.05(h) x 1.55(d)

Age Range: 1 - 18 Years

Judith S. Wallerstein is the founder and executive director of the Center for the Family in Transition. She is senior lecturer emerita at the School of Social Welfare at the University of California at Berkeley, where she has taught for twenty-six years. She has spoken with more divorced families than anyone in the nation, and lectured to thousands of family court judges, attorneys, mental health professionals, mediators, and educators. She has appeared on Oprah, the Today show, and Good Morning America, among others. She is the author, with Sandra Blakeslee, of the national bestsellers The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts and Second Chances: Men, Women, and Children a Decade After Divorce; with Blakeslee and Julia M. Lewis of the bestseller The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25-Year Landmark Study; and, with Dr. Joan Berlin Kelly, of Surviving the Breakup: How Children and Parents Cope with Divorce. She lives in Belvedere, California. Sandra Blakeslee is an award-winning science writer who contributes regularly to the New York Times. She lives in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Table of Contents

Introduction XI
Part 1 The Breakup 1
Chapter 1 Take Care of Yourself 3
Chapter 2 Telling the Children 19
Chapter 3 The Developmental Ladder 31
Chapter 4 Zero to Three 43
Chapter 5 Three-, Four-, and Five-Year-Olds 51
Chapter 6 Six-, Seven-, and Eight-Year-Olds 63
Chapter 7 Nine- and Ten-Year-Olds 73
Chapter 8 Eleven-, Twelve-, and Thirteen-Year-Olds 87
Chapter 9 Fourteen-, Fifteen-, Sixteen-, and Seventeen-Year-Olds 99
Chapter 10 College-Age Children 113
Chapter 11 Vulnerable Children 121
Chapter 12 What Is the "Best" Time to Divorce? 127
Chapter 13 Setting Routines and Structure 133
Chapter 14 Supporting the New Family 141
Part 2 Parent-to-Parent 155
Chapter 15 A New Kind of Parent 157
Chapter 16 You and the Law 163
Chapter 17 Laying the Foundation for Custody and Coparenting 175
Chapter 18 Custody 185
Chapter 19 High-Conflict Divorce 203
Chapter 20 How to Choose the Right Custody for Your Child 215
Part 3 The Post-Divorce Family 221
Chapter 21 Take Another Close Look at Your Children and at Yourself 223
Chapter 22 The Overburdened Child 231
Chapter 23 Parent-Child Alignments 239
Chapter 24 A New Kind of Teenager 247
Chapter 25 A New Kind of Father 259
Chapter 26 A New Kind of Mother 269
Part 4 Second Marriage 275
Chapter 27 Dating and Sex 277
Chapter 28 Remarriage 289
Chapter 29 Insiders and the Remarried Family 299
Chapter 30 Stepparents 311
Chapter 31 Blending Two Families 323
Chapter 32 Holidays and Special Occasions 333
Part 5 Conversations for a Lifetime 339
Chapter 33 How to Protect Children of Divorce in Young Adulthood 341
Epilogue 363
Index 365