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You're On Your Own (But I'm Here If You Need Me): Mentoring Your Child During the College Years - Paperback | Diverse Reads

You're On Your Own (But I'm Here If You Need Me): Mentoring Your Child During the College Years

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The essential guidebook on helping today’s college parents be appropriately involved in their children’s lives, now fully revised and updated to include the Great Recession, shifts in technology, and changes in higher education policy and practices.

Today, parents of college kids have a tougher time than ever. With the high cost of a college education, new careers emerging while whole occupational fields disappear, and increasing options related to technology, many parents feel enormous pressure to stay connected to their kids, but they also need to know when to let go.

Now completely revised and updated, You’re On Your Own (But I’m Here If You Need Me) helps parents identify those boundaries between appropriate involvement and respect for their child’s independence. Author Marjorie Savage is a parent and student services professional offering advice on a wide range of issues, including:
-How to cope with mood changes in the months before move-in day
-How freshman gain fifteen pounds when all they do is complain about the food
-Responsible use of new technology on campus
-The impact of Facebook and other social networking sites that have opened new communication forums but also introduced new safety concerns

With anecdotes and suggestions for experienced parents and college staff nationwide, this book is full of strategies and tips that will help parents create a supportive partnership responsive to both their kids’ needs and their own.

ISBN-13: 9781982136536

Media Type: Paperback

Publisher: Touchstone

Publication Date: 06-23-2020

Pages: 320

Product Dimensions: 5.50(w) x 8.38(h) x 0.90(d)

Marjorie Savage is the Parent Program director at the University of Minnesota, serving as a liaison between the school and the parents of its 28,000 undergraduates. She lives in Inver Grove Heights, Minnesota.

Read an Excerpt

Chapter One: A Summer of Change

Making the Most of the Months Before College Begins

Every year, as a new group of high school graduates and their parents watch the calendar pages turn toward September, emotions begin to churn. Mothers and fathers who were filled with pride when the college acceptance letters arrived a few months ago will soon find themselves wondering, "How can this kid possibly succeed in college? He can't even get out of bed in the morning by himself."

Students who are convinced that they belong at the college of their dreams are equally convinced a day later that they will never fit in: "I think the school made a mistake when they accepted me. I was probably the last person they picked, and I'm going to be the stupidest person on campus. Besides, I don't have the right clothes. No one will like me. It's just not going to work."

For these students and their parents, the issue is clear: Everything is changing. The excitement and anticipation that peaked in late spring turns to chaos during the "senior summer." Recent graduates are rejecting curfews and failing to show up for family meals, defending their freedom by explaining, "In a couple of months, you won't ever know what I'm doing."

Meanwhile, parents are failing in their efforts to maintain peace in the family. Bickering among brothers or sisters reaches new heights. One parent or the other is locked in conflict with the child. Parents listen to their child's unending complaints about the community and the small-mindedness of the neighbors, and they begin to long for the day when they can finally take this miserable, unhappy kid to college. A minute later, they berate themselves for such thoughts, saying, "I know I'll miss her!"

What's a parent to do? Advice flows in from every direction, but each suggestion seems to conflict with at least one other:


"Give them space." "No, set clear boundaries."

"Make sure you talk about the critical issues." "Don't try to review a lifetime of lessons in one short summer."

"Tell them you'll miss them." "Don't lay a guilt trip on them about leaving."

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Table of Contents

Introduction 1

Section 1 The Path to College

Chapter 1 Endless Possibilities: The College Search 7

Chapter 2 A Summer of Change: Making the Most of the Months Before College 36

Section 2 Early Days

Chapter 3 Reality Bites: Establishing New Patterns 59

Chapter 4 Distance Parenting: Mentoring Through Technology 77

Chapter 5 Home Fires: College Is a Family Affair Section 3: College Culture 95

Chapter 6 Credit Loads and GPAs: Adjusting to College Academics 107

Chapter 7 Picking Up the Tab: Money Counts 127

Chapter 8 Sex, Drugs, and Drinking Games: The Social Scene 142

Chapter 9 Study Snacks and All-Nighters: Health and Wellness 168

Chapter 10 Singing in Choir, Studying in Senegal: Learning Outside the Classroom 187

Chapter 11 "What Have You Done?": When Social Choices Clash with Family Values 205

Section 4 Focus on the Future

Chapter 12 Moving Out, Moving On: Leaving Dorm Life Behind 223

Chapter 13 What Can You Do with a Sociology Degree?: Choosing a Life, and a Job 239

Chapter 14 I'll Always Be Here If You Need Me: Mentoring for a Lifetime 255

Appendix A The Four-Year College Calendar 269

Appendix B Vocabulary of Higher Education 275

Selected Bibliography 285

Index 291