Table of Contents
Activities You Can Do on Your Own ix
Acknowledgments xi
Introduction: The State of Our Union 3
Moving Beyond Our Bubbles 5
My Experience With Dialogue 7
Meet Kevin and Celine 9
How to Use This Book 10
Chapter 1 Getting Started: The Basics of Meaningful Dialogue 15
What Kind of Conversation Are We Talking About? 16
Dialogue, Discourse, and Debate 20
What Inspires or Interferes With Dialogue? 21
Celine and Kevin's Motivations and Barriers 29
Two Things to Do 29
Chapter 2 Preparation for Dialogue 33
Getting Past Anticipatory Anxiety 33
Warming Things Up 35
Invitation to Dialogue 36
Communication Guidelines 39
Kevin and Celine Discuss Communication Guidelines 41
Structuring the Dialogue 43
Chapter 3 Why Listen? 45
Learning How to Listen 48
Nonverbal Attending 49
Reflecting 50
Open-Ended Questions 55
Celine and Kevin Apply Listening Skills 59
Overcoming Common Blocks to Effective Listening 63
Celine and Kevin Practice Listening 69
Final Thoughts on Listening 72
Chapter 4 Managing Emotions 75
Fight, Flight, Freeze 76
Forward 79
Kevin and Celine Manage Emotions 86
Deescalating Conflict 90
Noting the Emergency Exits 91
Individual Differences in Managing Emotions 92
Emotion Regulation 93
Chapter 5 Cultivating Understanding 97
Distorted Perceptions 98
Applying a Corrective Lens 102
Perspective Taking 103
Learning About Other People 105
How to Be Righteous Without Being Self-Righteous 108
Celine and Kevin Demonstrate Cultural Humility 110
In Sum 113
Chapter 6 Talking Skills 117
Do I Finally Get to Speak? 117
Telling Your Story 118
Bridging the Divide 122
Common Ground With Kevin and Celine 124
Persuasion 128
Chapter 7 Dialogue Skills in Context 135
How Invested Are You in the Relationship? 135
Skillfulness in Dialogue 137
Distance Between Views 138
The Politics of Pizza 138
Identities and Affiliations With Celine and Kevin 141
Chapter 8 Dialogue Skills in Action 145
Strengthening Dialogue Skills 145
Exiting With Intention 150
Kevin and Celine Say Goodbye 152
Integrity and Grace 153
The Power of These Skills 154
Additional Resources 157
Communication Guidelines 161
Activities to Try With a Partner 163
Index 169
About the Author 175
