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Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens: Empowering Your Kids to Navigate Bullying, Teasing, and Social Exclusion

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Essential reading for parents of grade schoolers through teens experiencing bullying, social exclusion, and teasing--with uplifting stories from young adults who have navigated those experiences and triumphed.

The tween and teen years are rife with intense social challenges in school, friendships, sports, and other activities where instances of teasing, bullying, social exclusion and marginalization are unfortunately all too common. Social media has only made this behavior easier and more insidious. But when kids ages 9 and up can be coached by a parent to respond effectively, manage their emotions in social situations, and recognize their own self-worth, they can reclaim a sense of their own power and develop skills like resilience, social and emotional intelligence and compassion for life.

Kim John Payne, a leading education consultant and parenting expert, and Luis Fernando Llosa, a writer and longtime sports coach, offer guidance and practical advice to parents, along with ten inspirational stories in the voice of young adults who have navigated bullying, teasing and social exclusion--and triumphed. The Emotionally Resilient Child gives tweens and teens the tools to address the problem themselves and develop mastery over the situation--rather than having parents step in and try to "fix" things. This book also gives parents vital proactive strategies to help build strong family relationships, trust and connection, so that kids can be better prepared for the inevitable social challenges life brings.

ISBN-13: 9781611805642

Media Type: Paperback

Publisher: Shambhala

Publication Date: 08-09-2022

Pages: 296

Product Dimensions: 6.00(w) x 8.90(h) x 0.80(d)

KIM JOHN PAYNE, M. ED, has been a counselor, educator, consultant, and researcher for twenty-seven years. He is the author of the widely acclaimed book Simplicity Parenting, The Soul of Discipline and Being at Your Best When Your Children Are at Their Worst, and co-author of Beyond Winning: Smart Parenting in a Toxic Sports Environment.He regularly gives keynote addresses at international conferences for educators, parents, and therapists and runs workshops and trainings around the world. LUIS FERNANDO LLOSA is an award-winning Peruvian American sports writer, editor, speaker, investigative reporter and youth sports consultant who has worked with kids and teens as a sports coach for 25 years. He co-authored Beyond Winning: Smart Parenting in a Toxic Sports Environment and has made more than 500 national and local television and radio appearances.

What People are Saying About This

From the Publisher

“The power of Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens is that it at once validates what kids are experiencing, then empowers them to change the things that aren’t working for them. Brilliantly laid out, this book shows tweens and teens that if they’re being excluded or teased, they’re not alone; it then emboldens them with specific responses and strategies to impact their social dynamics. Payne and Llosa guide parents to be both a safe haven and a launching pad, so kids feel connected and confident to venture out to navigate the world. The authors guide parents and kids by example, providing many stories of how tweens and teens have experienced and ultimately freed themselves from bullying.”
—Tina Payne Bryson, LCSW, PhD., co-author of The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline



“As a family psychologist working with many kids who have bullied or been bullied, and as a parent myself, I'm excited to see Kim John Payne and Luis Fernando Llosa's new book coming forward. It does something unique—instead of trying to give strategies for controlling bullies, it gives parents and kids tools for doing what they have the most actual control over—the child's own experience and behavior. With clear, hands-on tools for both parents and kids, this book gives kids a chance to build not only resilience in the face of bullying, but the skills they'll need to believe in themselves and better their lives in many ways going forward. These are the skills that if broadly learned can put an end to bullying for all children.”
—Mitch Abblett, PhD, author of Prizeworthy



"In a world of hot tips and Instagram memes that go puddle deep,  Kim John Payne and Luis Fernando Llosa have found a better way to help. Stories are how we learn best, and they don't preach or patronize. This is a life-saving book to help kids rise above the put-down culture that modern life has become."
—Steve Biddulph, author of Raising Boys and Raising Girls

Table of Contents

Introduction 1

Part 1 Advice to Parents

1 What to Do and What Not to Do 9

2 Belonging Is a Process, Not a Right 24

3 Bullying without Borders: Cyberbullying 31

4 "I Can Help. I Am Here for You." 45

Part 2 Your Ten-Story Toolbox

5 The New Kid: Anika's Story 63

6 But What If It's True? Daniels Story 81

7 How I Got My Confidence Back: Sara's Story 98

8 A New Group, a New Me: Joey's Story 118

9 Its Life That's Bullying Me: Sophie's Story 137

10 The Shy Kid's Gift of Inner Strength: Destiny's Story 159

11 Stop Pushing Me Around: Michael's Story 177

12 Rumors and Whispers: Elena's Story 204

13 Truth Telling and Tattling: Emma's Story 228

14 Standing Up and Speaking Out: Darpan's Story 249

Acknowledgments 281

Notes 282

Additional Resources 284

About the Authors 286