Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

ISBN-13: 9780307352149

Media Type: Hardcover

Publisher: Crown Publishing Group

Publication Date: 01-24-2012

Pages: 352

Product Dimensions: 6.50(w) x 9.74(h) x 1.19(d)

Susan Cain started the Quiet Movement, which revolutionized how the world sees introverts—and how introverts see themselves. She is also the author of Bittersweet: How Longing and Sorrow Make Us Whole. Her writing has appeared in The New York Times, The Atlantic, The Wall Street Journal, and elsewhere, and her TED Talk has been viewed more than 40 million times. She was named one of the world’s top 50 Leadership and Management Experts by Inc., and one of LinkedIn’s top ten influencers.

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Quiet

Crown

Today we make room for a remarkably narrow range of personality styles. We’re told that to be great is to be bold, to be happy is to be sociable. We see ourselves as a nation of extroverts—which means that we’ve lost sight of who we really are. Depending on which study you consult, one third to one half of Americans are introverts—in other words, one out of every two or three people you know. (Given that the United States is among the most extroverted of nations, the number must be at least as high in other parts of the world.) If you’re not an introvert yourself, you are surely raising, managing, married to, or coupled with one.

If these statistics surprise you, that’s probably because so many people pretend to be extroverts. Closet introverts pass undetected on playgrounds, in high school locker rooms, and in the corridors of corporate America. Some fool even themselves, until some life event—a layoff, an empty nest, an inheritance that frees them to spend time as they like— jolts them into taking stock of their true natures. You have only to raise the subject of this book with your friends and acquaintances to find that the most unlikely people consider themselves introverts.

It makes sense that so many introverts hide even from themselves. We live with a value system that I call the Extrovert Ideal—the omnipresent belief that the ideal self is gregarious, alpha, and comfortable in the spotlight. The archetypal extrovert prefers action to contemplation, risk- taking to heed-taking, certainty to doubt. He favors quick decisions, even at the risk of being wrong. She works well in teams and socializes in groups. We like to think that we value individuality, but all too often we admire one type of individual—the kind who’s comfortable “putting himself out there.” Sure, we allow technologically gifted loners who launch companies in garages to have any personality they please, but they are the exceptions, not the rule, and our tolerance extends mainly to those who get fabulously wealthy or hold the promise of doing so.

Introversion—along with its cousins sensitivity, seriousness, and shyness—is now a second- class personality trait, somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology. Introverts living under the Extrovert Ideal are like women in a man’s world, discounted because of a trait that goes to the core of who they are. Extroversion is an enormously appealing personality style, but we’ve turned it into an oppressive standard to which most of us feel we must conform.

The Extrovert Ideal has been documented in many studies, though this research has never been grouped under a single name. Talkative people, for example, are rated as smarter, better- looking, more interesting, and more desirable as friends. Velocity of speech counts as well as volume: we rank fast talkers as more competent and likable than slow ones. The same dynamics apply in groups, where research shows that the voluble are considered smarter than the reticent—even though there’s zero correlation between the gift of gab and good ideas. Even the word introvert is stigmatized—one informal study, by psychologist Laurie Helgoe, found that introverts described their own physical appearance in vivid language ( “green- blue eyes,” “exotic,” “high cheekbones”), but when asked to describe generic introverts they drew a bland and distasteful picture (“ungainly,” “neutral colors,” “skin problems”).

But we make a grave mistake to embrace the Extrovert Ideal so unthinkingly. Some of our greatest ideas, art, and inventions—from the theory of evolution to van Gogh’s sunflowers to the personal computer— came from quiet and cerebral people who knew how to tune in to their inner worlds and the treasures to be found there.

Copyright © 2012 by Susan Cain. From the book QUIET: The Power Of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain, published by Crown, a division of Random House, Inc.  Reprinted with permission.

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Excerpted from Quiet by Susan Cain Copyright © 2012 by Susan Cain. Excerpted by permission of Crown, a division of Random House, Inc.
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Reading Group Guide

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Introduction
At least one-third of the people we know are introverts. They are the ones who prefer listening to speaking, reading to partying; who innovate and create but dislike self-promotion; who favor working on their own over brainstorming in teams. Although they are often labeled "quiet," it is to introverts that we owe many of the great contributions to society−from van Gogh’s sunflowers to the invention of the personal computer.

Passionately argued, impressively researched, and filled with indelible stories of real people, Quiet shows how dramatically we undervalue introverts, and how much we lose in doing so. This extraordinary book has the power to permanently change how we see introverts and, equally important, how introverts see themselves.

1. Based on the quiz in the book, do you think you’re an introvert, an extrovert, or an ambivert? Are you an introvert in some situations and an extrovert in others? See the quiz, here: https://www.quietrev.com/the-introvert-test/

2. What about the important people in your lives—your partner, your friends, your kids?

3. Which parts of QUIET resonated most strongly with you? Were there parts you disagreed with—and if so, why?

4. Can you think of a time in your life when being an introvert proved to be an advantage?

5. Who are your favorite introverted role models?

6. Do you agree with the author that introverts can be good leaders? What role do you think charisma plays in leadership? Can introverts be charismatic?

7. If you’re an introvert, what do you find most challenging about working with extroverts?

8. If you’re an extrovert, what do you find most challenging about working with introverts?

9. QUIET explains how Western society evolved from a Culture of Character to a Culture of Personality. Are there enclaves in our society where a Culture of Character still holds sway? What would a twenty-first-century Culture of Character look like?

10. QUIET talks about the New Groupthink, the value system holding that creativity and productivity emerge from group work rather than individual thought. Have you experienced this in your own workplace?

11. Do you think your job suits your temperament? If not, what could you do to change things?

12. If you have children, how does your temperament compare to theirs? How do you handle areas in which you’re not temperamentally compatible?

13. If you’re in a relationship, how does your temperament compare to that of your partner? How do you handle areas in which you’re not compatible?

14. Do you enjoy social media such as Facebook and Twitter, and do you think this has something to do with your temperament?

15. QUIET talks about “restorative niches,” the places introverts go or the things they do to recharge their batteries. What are your favorite restorative niches?

16. Susan Cain calls for a Quiet Revolution. Would you like to see this kind of a movement take place, and if so, what is the number-one change you’d like to see happen?

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Table of Contents

Author's Note 13

Introduction: The North and South of Temperament 15

Part 1 The Extrovert Ideal

1 The Rise of the "Mighty Likeable Fellow": How Extroversion Became the Cultural Ideal 43

2 The Myth of Charismatic Leadership: The Culture of Personality, a Hundred Years Later 67

3 When Collaboration Kills Creativity: The Rise of the New Groupthink and the Power of Working Alone 128

Part 2 Your Biology, Your Self?

4 Is Temperament Destiny?: Nature, Nurture, and the Orchid Hypothesis 171

5 Beyond Temperament: The Role of Free Will (and the Secret of Public Speaking for Introverts) 200

6 "Franklin was a Politician, But Eleanor Spoke Out of Conscience": Why Cool is Overrated 225

7 Why Did Wall Street Crash and Warren Buffett Prosper?: How Introverts and Extroverts Think (and Process Dopamine) Differently 266

Part 3 Do All Cultures Have an Extrovert Ideal?

8 Soft Power: Asian-Americans and the Extrovert Ideal 307

Part 4 How to Love, How to Work

9 When Should You Act More Extroverted Than You Really Are? 347

10 The Communication Gap: How to Talk to Members of the Opposite Type 379

11 On Cobblers and Generals: How to Cultivate Quiet Kids in a World That Can't Hear Them 408

Conclusion: Wonderland 447

A Note on the Dedication 452

A Note on the Words Introvert and Extrovert 455

Acknowledgments 459

Notes 465