Table of Contents
Acknowledgments xiii
Foreword xv
Introduction xvii
My Story xix
How to Use This Book xx
Part 1 Reclaiming Your Rights 1
Chapter 1 Understanding Your Rights 3
Narcissists Violate Human Rights 3
Coming Out of Denial 5
Reclaiming Your Rights 6
Recognizing the Narcissist's Hypocrisy 7
Understanding Your Anger 8
Understanding Your Needs 9
Chapter 2 Identifying the Narcissist in Your Life 10
Why an Official Diagnosis of NPD Is Unlikely 10
Recognizing What You're Dealing With 11
A Word of Caution 12
Part 2 Narcissistic Personality Disorder 13
Chapter 3 Traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder 15
Narcissism Fictions and Facts 15
Defining Traits of Narcissism 17
Other Traits of Narcissism 22
The Narcissist's Fears 27
Things Narcissists Don't Do 29
Narcissistic "Quirks" 32
The Narcissist Online 34
Narcissistic Boredom 36
Chapter 4 Causes of Narcissism and the Narcissist's impaired Empathy 38
Causes and Development of Narcissism 38
The Narcissist's Impaired Empathy 39
Effects of the Narcissist's Impaired Empathy 42
Chapter 5 Closet, Exhibitionist, and Malignant Narcissism 47
Closet Narcissism Versus Exhibitionist Narcissism 47
Malignant Narcissism 52
Chapter 6 Narcissistic Abuse 54
Narcissism Is on Abusive Disorder 55
Behind the Mask: The Bully, Coward, Liar, and Fraud 56
Patterns of Narcissistic Abuse 58
Chapter 7 The Health Fallout of Narcissistic Trauma 63
CPTSD in Narcissistically Abused Children 64
Part 3 The Narcissistic Family 71
Chapter 8 Rules and Roles in the Narcissistic Family 73
The Narcissistic Family Profile 74
Rules of Engagement 75
Family Roles 79
Chapter 9 Patterns in the Narcissistic Family 92
Isolation 92
Rage 94
Projection 96
Shaming 99
Gaslighting 101
Triangulating 104
Cognitive Distortions 105
Smear Campaigns 107
Suicide and Other Tragedies 109
Chapter 10 Chasing the Narcissist's Respect and Love 111
The Narcissist's "Respect" 111
The Narcissist's Contempt 112
The Narcissist's "Love" 113
Chapter 11 Why Narcissism Runs in Families 116
Narcissism Is Your Normal 116
Monkey See, Monkey Do 117
Biology 117
Generational Trauma 118
Part 4 Partners of Narcissists 119
Chapter 12 Romance, Partnership, and Breakup with a Narcissist 121
Romantic Idealization 121
Devaluation and Discard 122
Why You Didn't See It Coming 123
Life with the Narcissist: Hell in a Hamster Wheel 124
Personality Types Who Fall for Narcissists 125
Is Your Partner a Narcissist? 126
The Narcissist as Human Parasite 129
Chapter 13 Codependency and Narcissism 131
The Enabler/Codependent 131
Codependent Patterns 132
Trauma Bonding 134
Overcoming Codependency 136
The Narcissist as Naked Emperor 138
Chapter 14 Staying with or Leaving Your Narcissistic Partner 140
Staying in the Relationship 140
Leaving Your Partner 145
Chapter 15 Parenting with a Narcissist 147
Protecting Your Children from Your Narcissistic Spouse 147
Ways to Support Your Children 148
Ways to Help Your Children Cope with Family Roles 152
Protecting Your Children from Codependency 158
Parallel Parenting with a Narcissist Ex 159
Parental Alienation and Parental Alienation Syndrome 162
Part 5 Children of Narcissists 165
Chapter 16 The Under- and Overparented Child 167
Idealization and Devaluation 168
Parentification: The Upside-Down Child-Parent Relationship 168
Neglect 169
Engulfment 172
Infantilization 174
Overindulgence 175
Overpraising 177
Chapter 17 Understanding and Overcoming Your Family Role 181
The Usual Suspects: Child Roles and How They Are Assigned 181
Scapegoat 182
Golden Child 184
Lost Child 185
Mascot 186
Chapter 18 Sibling Relationships 191
Why Narcissistic Parents Divide Their Children 191
The Divide-and-Conquer Strategy 195
Coping with the Golden Child Sibling 195
Sibling Relationships in Adulthood 196
Part 6 Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse 201
Chapter 19 Processing Your Trauma 203
Why Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse Trauma Takes So Long 203
Facing Reality 206
Understanding Your Grief 206
Feeling Your Grief 207
States of Grief 208
Reassessing Your Stones 211
Adult Children Ending the Cycle 214
Adult Children as Parents 215
The Role of Therapy: Rewards, Risks, and What to Look for in a Therapist 216
Chapter 20 Managing the Narcissist in Your Life 220
When the Narcissist Is Nice 220
Asserting Boundaries 222
What to Expect from the Aging Narcissist 228
Tips for Handling Aging Narcissistic Parents 231
Chapter 21 Steps to Recovery 234
Healing Strategies 234
Trust Your instincts 250
Process Your Foreshortened Sense of the Future 251
Take a Self-Inventory 254
Embrace Your Vulnerability 261
Welcome Back Your Inner Exiles 262
Chapter 22 Moving On: From Harsh to Healing Lessons 264
Letting Go and Moving On 265
Healing Takeaways 266
Glossary 269
Resources 275
Sources 277
Index 285