Table of Contents
Foreword Steve Young 8
Foreword Brian Murphy 10
Introduction 12
01 Breaking News: Bill Walsh Is Dying 16
02 Mayo on the Side: Bill Walsh Dies 20
03 Rivalry: Al Davis Misses Bill Walsh, Sort Of 29
04 Cattle: Barry Bonds Uses a Bat in an Unusual Way 34
05 The Art of Debate: Frank Robinson Blows a Gasket 37
06 Kaepernick Meets Kierkegaard: Why Colin Kaepernick Is Suspect 41
07 National Anthem: How They Cheapen "The Star-Spangled Banner" 52
08 The Naked Coach: Jack Elway Takes It All Off 54
09 Naked Men: Why Naked Men in the Locker Room Aren't Sexy 56
10 Reggie Jackson Does His Business 60
11 An Old Knee: Duane Kuiper Offers to Kick Me You-Know-Where 62
12 Myth-Breaking: Billy Martin Offends the Jews 64
13 Billy Martin Sets Me Straight 68
14 A Fine How-D'Ye-Do: Reggie Smith Says the F-Word 69
15 The Sals: How Sports Writing Is a Fistfight on the Playground 71
16 Steve Mariucci Takes It Back 76
17 Dusty Stories: Dusty Baker Gets in Trouble Signing His Name 78
18 Space-Time Continuum: Randy Moss Gets His Feelings Hurt 82
19 The Bad-News Bearers: When Bad News Is Good News 88
20 Hard-On for Joseph Conrad: Why I Flopped at Sports Illustrated 96
21 The Winegardens: Street Games in New York 104
22 The Temple of Baseball 107
23 Michael Jordan Disappoints 109
24 The Permutations of Off-the-Record 112
25 Latrell Sprewell's Hands-On Experience 114
26 Why Sports Writers Are "You Guys" 117
27 Joe Morgan's Cleaning Lady 120
28 Rituals: Love Is Strange 122
29 Vida Blue Saves My Bacon 124
30 Choosing Up Sides: Jose Canseco Admires Bo Jackson 128
31 "My, my, my, like the spider to the fly": The Essence of Don Nelson 130
32 Drawing the Line: Desperate at Deadline 135
33 Priapic Fixation: Athletes and Their Doinkers 140
34 Fans 143
35 Fifteen %: The Total Tonnage of What We Don't Know about Athletes 145
36 What Joe Theismann Doesn't Know about Albert Einstein 148
37 Screen Snoopers: Press Box Plagiarists 150
38 Breaking the Ice: Tim Lincecum Feels Embarrassed 153
39 What Bruce Bochy Won't Say 155
40 Baby Amarone: Bruce Bochy Knows from Wine 160
41 High-Quality Sports Bullshit 162
42 Overall and Other Bad Words 163
43 Mensch: Steve Young as Usual 165
44 Death of Sparky: Charles M. Schulz in Memoriam 168
45 The Last Ride: Bobb McKittrick Ignores Bill Walsh 171
46 Hallowed Ground: 9/11, a Month Later 174
47 The Toughest Guy in Sports 177
48 The Real: The Unappreciated Virtues of Boxing 179
49 Thanks for the Memories: Don Zimmer Lets Me Down 185
50 Field of Dreams: Baseball and the Afterlife 187
51 The Philosopher King: Floyd Patterson Comforts Sonny Liston 190
52 Sonny Liston Signs His Name 194
53 The Killer: Sugar Ray Robinson's Grief 197
54 The Not: What Makes Good Sports Writing 200
55 His Nibs and the Burrito: Fabulous Sports Headlines 203
56 Go-Kart Mozart: Dale Earnhardt Jr. Finally Wins a Race 207
57 Baron Davis Learns Manners 210
58 Chair: No Cursing in the Press Box 212
59 Apostrophe S 216
60 Byline Fever: A Sports Writer's Addiction 217
61 Glory Days: After Athletes Retire 219
62 Jim Harbaugh Says Goodbye 226
63 Elder Abuse on Twitter 230
64 Hello Goodbye: How I Didn't Say Goodbye to Steve Kerr 232
Afterword Jim Harbaugh 237
Acknowledgments 239
Colophon 240
