Captivating Expanded Edition: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul

Sometime between the dreams of your youth and yesterday's to-do list, something precious has been lost: your priceless femininity.

God has set within you a femininity that is powerful, tender, and fierce. No doubt it has been misunderstood, but it is there, and it is worth recovering. In this updated and expanded edition of their runaway bestseller, John and Stasi Eldredge vulnerably share their story and show you how to set your heart free and embrace life as a woman who is truly captivating.

The mystery of the feminine heart was meant to be a good thing, a source of joy. But all too often, it becomes a source of shame. We almost universally feel that we are too much or not enough.

This book combines timeless scripture with honest, heartfelt stories from women who have been there, too, giving you the encouragement you need to:

• Discover the glorious design of women that God originally intended
• Understand how Jesus restores the feminine heart
• Heal the trauma in your story
• Embrace the inherent power, freedom, and beauty that you already possess

As we grow older and our dreams are slowly pushed aside, we're told that we have to settle for a life of efficiency and performance, striving to be the women we're told that we ought to be and still feeling like we're failing. But it doesn't have to be this way. Let Captivating help you discover the woman you were meant to be.

ISBN-13: 9781400225286

Media Type: Paperback

Publisher: Nelson - Thomas - Inc.

Publication Date: 03-02-2021

Pages: 256

Product Dimensions: 5.40(w) x 8.30(h) x 0.70(d)

John Eldredge is a bestselling author, a counselor, and a teacher. He is also president of Wild at Heart, a ministry devoted to helping people discover the heart of God, recover their own hearts in God's love, and learn to live in God's kingdom. John and his wife, Stasi, live in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Stasi Eldredge is a New York Times bestselling author, and her books have sold nearly 3 million copies and changed women's lives all over the world. A teacher and conference speaker, Stasi is the director of the women's ministry at Ransomed Heart, a ministry devoted to helping people discover the heart of God, recover their own hearts in God's love, and learn to live in God's kingdom. Her passion is to see lives transformed by the beauty of the gospel. She and her husband, John, make their home in Colorado Springs, Colorado.

Read an Excerpt

INTRODUCTION

Now we are on holy ground.

Writing a book for men (Wild at Heart) was a fairly straightforward proposition. Not that men are simpletons. But they are the less complicated of the two genders trying to navigate love and life together. Both men and women know this to be true. The mystery of the feminine heart was meant to be a good thing, by the way. A
source of joy. Yet it has become a source of shame--women almost universally feel that they are "too much" and "not what they should be." And men tend to pull away from the deeper waters of a woman's soul, unsure of what they will find there or how to handle it. And so we have missed the treasure that is the heart of a woman,
missed the richness femininity was meant to bring to our lives,
missed the way it speaks to us of the heart of God.

Rest assured--this is not a book about all the things you are failing to do as a woman. We're tired of those books. As a new
Christian, the first book I (Stasi) picked up to read on godly femininity
I threw across the room. I never picked it up again. In the twenty-five years since, I have only read a few I could wholeheartedly recommend. The rest drive me crazy. Their messages to women make me feel as though, "You are not the woman you ought to be--but if you do the following ten things, you can make the grade."
They are, by and large, soul-killing. But femininity cannot be prescribed in a formula.

We have women friends who love tea parties and china, and friends who break out in hives at the thought of them. We have women friends who love to hunt, bow hunt even. Women who love to entertain and women who don't. Women who are professors,
moms, doctors, nurses, missionaries, dentists, homemakers, therapists,
chefs, artists, poets, rock climbers, triathletes, secretaries,
salespeople, and social workers. Beautiful women, all.

So--is a true woman Cinderella or Joan of Arc? Mary
Magdalene or Oprah? How do we recover essential femininity without falling into stereotypes, or worse, ushering in more pressure and shame upon our readers? That is the last thing a woman needs. And yet, there is an essence that God has given to every woman. We share something deep and true, down in our hearts. So we venture into this exploration of femininity by way of the heart. What is at the core of a woman's heart? What are her desires? What did we long for as little girls? What do we still long for as women? And, how does a woman begin to be healed from the wounds and tragedies of her life?

Sometime between the dreams of your youth and yesterday,
something precious has been lost. And that treasure is your heart,
your priceless feminine heart. God has set within you a femininity that is powerful and tender, fierce and alluring. No doubt it has been misunderstood. Surely it has been assaulted. But it is there,
your true heart, and it is worth recovering. You are captivating.

So we invite you to take a journey with us, a journey of discovery and healing. For your heart is the prize of God's Kingdom, and
Jesus has come to win you back for himself--all of you. We pray that God will use this book in your life, in your heart, to bring healing,
restoration, joy, and life! And if God does that, it will be cause for a wonderful celebration. With teacups and china. Or paper plates. Whatever. One day, we will all celebrate together. In anticipation and hope, may this little book draw you closer to God's heart--and your own.

CHAPTER ONE

The Heart of a Woman

Sometimes it's hard to be a woman.

--TAMMY WYNETTE

He saw that Fatima's eyes were filled with tears.

"You're crying?"

"I'm a woman of the desert," she said, averting her face.

"But above all, I'm a woman."

--PAULO COELHO

You belong among the wildflowers

You belong in a boat out at sea

You belong with your love on your arm

You belong somewhere you feel free.

--TOM PETTY

Let's do it." Dusk was settling in. The air was cool, fragrant with pine and sage, and the swiftly moving river beckoned. We were camping in the Tetons, and it so happened that our canoe was on top of the car. "Let's put in." John looked at me as if I had lost my mind.
In less than twenty minutes night would be upon us and the river and the woods. All would be pitch black. We'd be on the river, alone,
with only a general idea of which way to go (down), where to take out (head for the road), and a long walk back to the car. Who knew what dangers lay out there? He looked again at me, looked at our young sons, and then said, "Okay!" We sprang into action.

The evening was stunning. The river's graceful movements caused the water's colors to shift from cobalt to silver to black. No other person was in sight. We had Oxbow Bend to ourselves. In record time we had the canoe in the river, life vests securely fastened,
paddles at the ready, boys installed, and off we went, a race to drink as deeply of as much beauty as possible, together.

An old wooden bridge hung low across the river, its broken remains looked as though they would collapse at the next strong breeze. We had to duck to pass underneath. Carefully, we navigated the winding channels of the Snake-John in back, me in front, our three boys in between full of wonder and delight. As the stars began to come out, we were like the children present at the creation of
Narnia--the sky so clear, the stars so close. We held our breath as one fell slowly, slowly across the sky and disappeared.

A beaver slapped the river, the sound like a rifle shot, frightening two ducks into flight, but all we could see between the darkened water and sky were the white ripples of their wake, like synchronized water-skiers. Owls began their nightly calls in the woods above, joined by sandhill cranes along the shore. The sounds were familiar, yet otherworldly. We whispered to one another about each new wonder, as the paddles dipped almost but not quite silently in and out of the water.

Night fell. Time to take out. We planned to go ashore along a cove closest to the road, so we wouldn't have to walk too far to find our car. We didn't dare try to take out where we had put in . . . that would require paddling against the current with little ability to see where we were going.

As we drifted towards the bank a bull moose rose from the tall grasses, exactly where we had planned to come ashore. He was as dark as the night; we could see him only because he was silhouetted against the sky, jagged mountains behind. He was huge. He was gorgeous. He was in the way. Blocking the only exit we had. More people are killed in national parks by moose than by any other animal.
Remarkable speed, 1,700 pounds of muscle and antlers, and total unpredictability make them dangerous indeed. It would take about two seconds for him to hit the water running and capsize our canoe. We could not pass.

The mood changed. John and I were worried now. There was only one alternative to this way out, now closed to us, and that was paddling back up river in what had become total darkness. Silently,
soberly, we turned the canoe and headed up, searching for the right channel that would keep us out of the main current. We hadn't planned on the adventure taking that turn but suddenly, everything was required. John must steer with skill; I must paddle with strength. One mistake on our part and the strong current would force the canoe broadside, fill it, and sweep our boys off downriver into the night.

It was glorious.

We did it. He did. I did. We rose to the challenge working together, and the fact that it required all of me, that I was in it with my family and for my family, that I was surrounded by wild, shimmering beauty and it was, well, kind of dangerous made the time . . .
transcendent. I was no longer Stasi. I was Sacagawea, Indian
Princess of the West, a valiant and strong woman.

A WOMAN' S JOURNEY

Then the time came when the risk it took

To remain tight in a bud was more painful

Than the risk it took to blossom.

--ANAIS NIN

I'm trying to remember when I first knew in my heart that I was no longer a girl, but had become a woman. Was it when I graduated from high school, or college? Did I know it when I married? When
I became a mother? I am forty-five years old as I write this, but there remain places in my heart that still feel so very young. As I think back on what would be considered rites of passage in my life, I
understand why my journey has felt so unguided, uncertain. The

day I started my period, my family embarrassed me at the dinner table by breaking out in song, "This girl is a woman, now . . ."
Hmmmm. I didn't feel any different. All I felt was mortified that they knew. I stared at my plate, suddenly fascinated by corn.

The day I got my first bra, a training bra, the kind with stretchy material over the front, one of my sisters pulled me into the hallway where, to my horror, my father stood at the ready to take my picture.
They said I would laugh about it later. (I haven't.) Like so many other women I was left alone to navigate my way through adolescence,
through my changing and awakening body, a picture of my changing and awakening heart. No counsel was given for the journey into womanhood. I was encouraged, however, to eat less. My father pulled me aside and told me, "No boy will love you if you're fat."

I joined the feminist movement in college, searching, as so many women did in the '70s, for a sense of self. I actually became director of the Women's Resource Center at a liberal state university in California. But no matter how much I asserted my strength and independence as a woman ("hear me roar"), my heart as a woman remained empty. To be told when you are young and searching that"you can be anything" is not helpful. It's too vast. It gives no direction.
To be told when you are older that "you can do anything a man can do" isn't helpful, either. I didn't want to be a man. What does it mean to be a woman?

And as for romance, I stumbled through that mysterious terrain with only movies and music as a guide. Like so many women I
know, I struggled alone through the mess of several broken hearts.
My last year in college, I fell in love for real, and this young man truly loved me back. John and I dated for two and a half years and then became engaged. As we made wedding plans, my mother gave me a rare bit of counsel, in this case, her marriage advice. It was twofold. First, love flies out the window when there's no pork chop on the table. And second, always keep your kitchen floor clean; it makes the whole house look better. I caught her drift. Namely, that my new position as "wife" centered in the kitchen, making the pork chops and cleaning up after them.

I somehow believed that upon saying, "I do," I would be magically transformed into Betty Crocker. I imagined myself baking fresh bread, looking flushed and beautiful as I removed the steaming loaves from the oven. No matter that I hadn't cooked but five meals in my entire life, I set about preparing dinners, breakfasts even, with determination and zeal. After two weeks of this, I lay on the couch despondent, announcing that I didn't know what was for dinner and that John was on his own. Besides, the kitchen floor was dirty. I had failed.

My story is like most women's stories--we've received all sorts of messages but very little help in what it means to become a woman. As one young woman recently wrote us,

I remember when I was ten asking myself as well as older females in my life how a woman of God could actually be confident,
scandalous and beautiful, yet not portray herself as a feminist
Nazi or an insecure I-need-attention emotional whore. How can
I become a strong woman without becoming harsh? How can I
be vulnerable without drowning myself in my sorrow?

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Table of Contents

Introduction ix

Chapter 1 The Heart of a Woman 1

Chapter 2 What Eve Alone Can Tell 21

Chapter 3 Haunted by a Question 43

Chapter 4 Wounded 59

Chapter 5 A Special Hatred 75

Chapter 6 Healing the Wound 91

Chapter 7 Romanced 111

Chapter 8 Beauty to Unveil 127

Chapter 9 Arousing Adam 147

Chapter 10 Mothers, Daughters, Sisters 167

Chapter 11 Warrior Princesses 185

Chapter 12 An Irreplaceable Role 201

Final Thoughts 219

John and Stasi Answer Your Captivating Questions 225

A Prayer for Salvation 237

The Daily Prayer 239

A Prayer for Sexual Healing 243

Acknowledgments 249

Notes 251

About the Authors 257