Table of Contents
Introduction 1
100 Ideas
1 Embrace your need and right to grieve 7
2 Mourn your loss 8
3 Use the words that feel right to you 9
4 Understand the six needs of mourning: Need 1. Acknowledge the reality of this loss 10
5 Understand the six needs of mourning: Need 2. Embrace the pain of the loss 11
6 Understand the six needs of mourning: Need 3. Remember what happened 12
7 Understand the six needs of mourning: Need 4. Develop a new self-identity 13
8 Understand the six needs of mourning: Need 5. Search for meaning 14
9 Understand the six needs of mourning: Need 6. Receive ongoing support from others 15
10 Allow for numbness 16
11 Consider yourself in emotional intensive care 17
12 Know there is no order to grief 18
13 Keep a journal 19
14 Share the experience of the miscarriage itself 20
15 Find ways to make peace with the disposition 21
16 Be compassionate with your partner 22
17 Be loving toward your children 23
18 If you've had infertility problems, know that this will complicate your grief 24
19 If you've had more than one miscarriage, seek extra support 25
20 If you or your partner were ambivalent about the pregnancy, know that this can complicate your grief 26
21 Cry 27
22 Designate a time to mourn each day 28
23 Understand when others say, "I'm sorry" 29
24 Take time off work 30
25 If you feel guilty, find ways to express it 31
26 If you feel angry, find ways to express it 32
27 If you feel envious, find ways to express it 33
28 If you feel afraid, find ways to express it 34
29 If you feel disappointed, find ways to express it 35
30 Just be 36
31 Open your heart 37
32 Remember: One day at a time 38
33 Understand what it means to be traumatized 39
34 Make an inventory of survival strategies 40
35 Relinquish control 41
36 Be patient 42
37 Let go of destructive misconceptions about grief and mourning 43
38 Wear a symbol of mourning 44
39 Know there are no bad days, only "necessary" days 45
40 Reach out to others who truly understand your pain 46
41 Believe in your capacity to heal 47
42 Empower yourself with information 48
43 Move toward your grief, not away from it 49
44 Give attention to your relationship 50
45 Expect to have whirlwind emotions 51
46 Talk about grief and mourning 52
47 Turn to ceremony 53
48 Acknowledge the multitude of losses 54
49 Watch for warning signs 55
50 Identify someone you can count on 56
51 Set boundaries 57
52 Prepare to answer uncomfortable questions 58
53 Share your story 59
54 Talk to your baby 60
55 Ignore hurtful advice 61
56 Take care of you 62
57 Make sleep a priority 63
58 Honor what your body needs 64
59 Reach out and touch 65
60 Trust that you're not going crazy 66
61 If you're having dreams about the baby, share them with someone dose to you 67
62 Create a personal sanctuary just for you 68
63 Trust in yourself 69
64 Let go of tension with a sigh 70
65 Protect yourself from negativity 71
66 Learn something new 72
67 Find help online 73
68 Remember, even rocks crumble with too much weight 74
69 Find the words in music 75
70 Find ways to honor this baby 76
71 Volunteer 77
72 Tell someone you love her 78
73 Acknowledge when you are feeling lost 79
74 Allow for unfinished business 80
75 Simplify 81
76 Prepare yourself for the holidays 82
77 Demonstrate your faith 83
78 Ground your thoughts with a touchstone 84
79 Communicate with your partner about your 85
80 Write a letter to your higher power 86
81 Don't be caught off-guard by griefbursts 87
82 Expect grief at milestones 88
83 Understand the concept of reconciliation 89
84 Get away from it all 90
85 Think about what comes next 91
86 Move your grief to gratitude with yoga 92
87 Bring in more light 93
88 Laugh 94
89 Take in the sun 95
90 Express your grief through art 96
91 Contemplate the universe 97
92 Express your child-like self 98
93 When and if either of you is ready, talk with your partner about trying again 99
94 Reunite and reconnect 100
95 Envision 101
96 Reconfigure your life 102
97 Be purposeful in everything you do 103
98 Share what you've learned 104
99 Say goodbye 105
100 Embrace your transformation 106
A Final Word 107
Resources 109
The Mourner's Code 111
