In The Heart of Grief, Attig gives us an inspiring and profoundly insightful meditation on the meaning of grief, showing how it can be the path toward a lasting love of those who have died. Recounting dozens of stories of people who have struggled with deaths in their lives, he describes grieving as a transition from loving in presence to loving in separation. The thing we long for most--the return of the one who is missing--is the very thing that we can never have, kindling the intense pain of our loss. But Attig argues that we can, in fact, build an enduring, even reciprocal, love, a love that tempers our pain. He tells stories, for instance, of a young girl taking some of her dead sister's practical advice as she enters high school, a widower realizing how much intimate life with his wife has colored his character, and an athlete drawing inspiration from his dead brother and achieving what they had dreamed of together. Far from forgetting our loved ones, Attig urges us to explore ways in which our memories of the departed can be sustained, our understanding of them enhanced, and their legacies embraced, so they continue to play active roles in our everyday and inner lives.
Groundbreaking and original, inspiring and compassionate, The Heart of Grief offers guidance, comfort, and a new understanding of how we grieve.
ISBN-13: 9780195156256
Media Type: Paperback
Publisher: Oxford University Press
Publication Date: 09-19-2002
Pages: 324
Product Dimensions: 9.20(w) x 5.60(h) x 0.94(d)
Thomas Attig is the author of How We Grieve: Relearning the World (OUP). A former professor of philosophy and Past President of the Association for Death Education and Counseling, he is a highly sought-after speaker. He lives in San Francisco, California. He invites you to visit his website, www.griefsheart.com.
Table of Contents
|
Preface |
xi |
| I. |
Places in the Heart |
|
|
Where Are They Now? |
3 |
|
Living with Sadness |
8 |
|
Carrying the Hurt |
15 |
|
Longing for Their Return |
22 |
|
Believing They Live On |
28 |
|
Ghosts and Other Contacts |
34 |
|
Loving in Separation |
39 |
|
Good and Troubled Loving |
42 |
|
Receiving Their Legacies |
45 |
|
Giving Them Places in Our Hearts |
50 |
|
Lasting Love Is Good for Them |
54 |
|
Lasting Love Is Good for Us |
59 |
|
Learning to Love in a New Way |
63 |
| II. |
Transitions to Lasting Love |
|
|
Taking Leave and Opening Our Hearts |
67 |
|
Missed Opportunities |
74 |
|
Frozen Scenes |
80 |
|
Investing Ourselves in Ceremonies |
86 |
|
Choosing Our Own Ways |
91 |
|
Conflicts about Ceremonies |
97 |
| III. |
Memories |
|
|
Holding Them in Memory |
107 |
|
Unfinished Business |
112 |
|
Negative Ties That Bind Us |
118 |
|
Horrific Memories |
122 |
|
Memories and Dying Days |
126 |
|
Remembering at the Time of Death |
132 |
|
Fragile and Fleeting Memories |
136 |
|
Incomplete and Partial Memories |
142 |
|
Richly Meaningful Memories |
147 |
|
The Dance Continues in Memory |
153 |
| IV. |
Practical Life |
|
|
They Are with Us in Our Practical Lives |
161 |
|
Acting on Promises |
167 |
|
Using Their Advice and Counsel |
172 |
|
Doing Things Their Way |
177 |
|
Following in Their Footsteps |
182 |
|
Making Their Cares and Interests Our Own |
186 |
| V. |
Life of the Soul: Returning Home |
|
|
Loss and Soul Pain |
193 |
|
Choosing How We Approach Our Hurt |
198 |
|
They Are with Us in Our Souls |
204 |
|
Meeting Them in Things They Leave Behind |
209 |
|
Soul Food and Soul Music |
214 |
|
Meeting Them in Familiar Places |
218 |
|
Seeing Them in Others |
222 |
|
Finding Our Roots in Their Life Stories |
226 |
|
Touching Our Souls in Mysterious Ways |
230 |
|
Learning to Be Soulful |
235 |
| VI. |
Life of the Spirit: Reviving Hope |
|
|
Loss and Spiritual Pain |
245 |
|
Their Spirits Are with Us |
250 |
|
Resilience |
257 |
|
Searching |
263 |
|
Changing and Growing |
268 |
|
Striving |
272 |
|
Joy and Adventure |
276 |
|
Afterword: Grief Is a Journey of the Heart |
281 |
|
Acknowledgments |
287 |
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