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CHAPTER 1
Dear Big Brother,
Our farewell journey began with a phone call from our mom. She told me that you had died. As Mom and I cried together, I decided I would travel to England to bring you home.
By then, you had been working and living in England for 11 years. I packed my bag quickly so I could travel to England and bring you home to Mom.
Everything happened so quickly. There was no time to process what was going on. The airport was crowded. The seats on the airplane felt very small. I could not move, and I could not stop thinking about you.
As the plane landed, my tears started to flow. I understood that as soon as I arrived in England, your death would be real. Our family would never be the same because you would be gone.
I picked up your body from the funeral home. You had chosen to be cremated, which turned your body to ashes. It felt so strange to hold your body in a small, heavy box. A box that was once a man. A box that was once my brother. A few minutes later, the strangeness was gone, and I felt you near me.
I met your landlord so he could let me into your home. He told me many things that were hard to hear. You had not worked for years because you were sick. Your wife had left, and sometimes you were so sad you would get confused. Worst of all, you did not have anyone with you at the end.
There were many documents that needed to be sorted. I opened medical reports and letters informing you of missed appointments. I felt angry that you didn't tell me that you were sick. I was also mad at myself for not asking you if you were okay. Last year I promised to visit but canceled at the last minute. I thought that we would have more time.
Going through your photos made me feel better. They reminded me that you were once very much alive. Your photos helped me understand who you were. You were sick for a long time, but you also lived an adventurous life. You traveled to many places and had many careers. You were a teacher, an editor, and a store clerk.
I was tired from my long journey. I fell asleep in your bed. Your spirit was so powerful, I could feel you spinning above me. I dreamt of our childhood, and then I traveled with you to places I had not seen. The dream made me feel anxious. I knew that you would not hurt me, but I still had a long journey ahead of me. I had to help you rest so I could rest.
I remembered that cedar helps us to rest. I wasn't sure if cedar grew in England. I went for a walk in the forest to see if I could find some. The forest was so beautiful. I was close to your home. I knew that you had walked where I was walking. I jumped for joy. I felt happy that you had lived in such a beautiful place.
I walked for a long time. I found a cedar tree as the sun was setting. As I cut cedar branches off, I told the tree why I needed her and she moved towards me. I knew she understood. I thanked her for her generosity and then hurried back to your home.
I wrapped you gently with the branches. Cedar soothed you, and you began to rest.
I had one day free before we would travel home. I wanted to understand how you lived. I went to many different places on your block. I touched every doorknob of the shops that you mentioned in your letters. And I told all the shopkeepers that I was your sister. The owner of the deli told me your favorite order was a BLT sandwich with one sausage on the side. I said, "I will have the same."
When I returned to your home, I could feel that you were lonely. I wanted to do something special for us — something that a sister and brother would do together. I put you in my backpack and went for a walk.
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "I Will See You Again"
by .
Copyright © 2019 Lisa Boivin.
Excerpted by permission of Highwater Press.
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