Table of Contents
Acknowledgments ix
Foreword xi
Section 1 The Basics of Talking to "Crazy" 1
1 Understanding Crazy 3
2 Recognizing How Crazy Happens 11
3 Spotting an Irrational Person's M.O. 24
4 Knowing When to Talk to "Crazy" and When to Walk Away 33
Section 2 Facing Your Own Crazy First 43
5 Pinpointing Your Own Crazy 45
6 Keeping Your Own Crazy at Bay When You're Under Attack 56
7 Regrouping When Crazy Wins 67
Section 3 Fourteen Tactics for Talking to "Crazy" 75
8 The Belly Roll: Putting the Irrational Person "in Charge" to Defuse a Tense Situation 77
9 The A-E-U Technique: Highly Effective-But Scary 85
10 Time Travel: Getting an Irrational Person to Stop Dwelling on the Past and Focus Instead on the Future 93
11 The Eye of the Hurricane: Finding the Sane Inside the Crazy 101
12 Digging Down to Disappointment: Dealing with Emotional People Who Don't Really Mean What They're Saying 109
13 The Fishbowl: Bringing an Irrational Person's Mirror Neurons into Play 114
14 The Split Second: How to Handle an Irrational Person Who's Playing You Against Someone Else 121
15 The Three L's: Helping an Irrational Person Cope with Extreme Fear 126
16 The Butter-Up: Getting a Know-It-All to Behave 132
17 Executive Order: Getting a Martyr to Accept Help 137
18 Coup Contrecoup: Turning an Irrational Person's M.O. to Your Own Advantage 141
19 The Kiss-Off (and the Gentle Kiss-Off): Saying No to a Manipulator 147
20 Frenemies: Handling a "Toxic Deflector" at Work 153
21 I Know What You're Hiding: Getting a Sociopath out of Your Life 159
Section 4 Eight Ways to Deal with Crazy in Your Personal Life 165
22 You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling? Handling Your Mutual Crazy in a Relationship 167
23 Shock Absorber: Getting Through to an Emotional Partner 175
24 Copy Cat: Getting a Strong-and-Silent Partner to Talk 180
25 Child A or Child B? Going Through a Divorce Without Wrecking Your Kids for Life 183
26 "What's the Worst Thing for You?" Being There for a Parent, Partner, or Child in Pain 189
27 The Reconnect: Healing a Broken Relationship with an Adult Child 195
28 The Assumptive Close: Getting an Aging Parent to Accept Help 199
29 The Four H's and Four R's: Rebuilding a Personal Relationship After an Irrational Person Breaks It 204
Section 5 What to Do When Crazy Is Actually Mental Illness 211
30 Where to Turn When Crazy Is Above Your Pay Grade 213
31 How to Get the Person to Say Yes to Getting Help 227
32 What to Do if You Think Someone May Be Suicidal 240
33 Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda: Preventing the Next Sandy Hook 246
Epilogue 253
Index 255
About the Author 261